Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
