Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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