One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize