Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
