that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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