How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
