Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
