we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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