Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize