Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
