apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
