my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What a dumb baby whore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
