forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
