STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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