so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
