My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
