you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at about main and main street
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
