Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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