Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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