A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
