watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
