I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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