i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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