Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
