Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
