I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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