Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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