I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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