just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
