you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize