Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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