i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
