Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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