You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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