yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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