I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
