I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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