Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
