New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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