Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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