Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Holy shit dude........stairs
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
