Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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