He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
