Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
