we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
