Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
