shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
