Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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