omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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