just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
