You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
