he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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