please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
