So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
