If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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