i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
