WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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