What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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