She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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