At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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