i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
