ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
