She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
