if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
