I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
