and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
