Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
