the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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