There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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